…according to your steadfast love remember me… (Psalm 25:7)
Have your ever thought (and, I mean deep-down-inside-at-your-very-core thought) that there was absolutely no way your life could be salvaged? That you had messed up so many things, made so many bad decisions, that there was no way your life could ever be reclaimed? After my divorce and a subsequent botched relationship, I started using words like failure, unlovable, and relationship-catastrophe to describe myself. I spoke those words so much, I actually believed that’s who I was. In my assessment, I was merely the sum of all my worst relationships.
I lived with that identity for a very long time, carefully curating every flaw I saw in myself, stacking them up so no one could get close enough to confirm the emotional ugliness that I was so sure of. It was a time filled with loneliness, sadness, and lack of hope. For me, it eventually took many hours—months actually—of talking and sorting out the roots of my self-destructiveness. It wasn’t easy, and there are still some days when I occasionally wrestle with negative thoughts.
But you know what I’ve learned? I’m worth whatever wrestling needs to be done.
My mistakes, my failures, and my times of willful disobedience of God, do not equal my identity or my worth as a human being. No matter what unthinking, crazy-making things I’ve done (and I’ve done a few!), I am deep-down-inside-at-my-very-core a child of God, filled with the Holy Spirit, and saved by the love of Jesus Christ. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit have NEVER abandoned me. NEVER. There were times when I chose not to look at them or listen to them, but they NEVER left me. Christ died for me. God redeems me. The Spirit lives inside me.
I am worthy. And there’s nothing… nothing… that has or ever will change that. Turn and look at God today, and find your worth.
Lord, thank you for your ever-present love, forgiveness, and redemption. As the psalmist wrote, “Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O’ Lord!” Remember me. Amen.